Yesterday was a rough day for me, so I didn’t feel like writing. I had attended my WRAP class in the morning, leaving only one remaining. After that, I don’t really remember what I did. Guess it wasn’t that exciting or important. I had plans with Allan to go to the multifamily group in the evening. That turned into a fiasco. I won’t go into detail in this letter. It is in the past now, so it is no longer of consequence, and I refuse to let it take up any more space in my head. Moving on..
Today started horrible. I woke up from a dream where we discovered you were still alive. Immediately, I called you and your mother picked up. I asked for you and she went to get you, but you did not want to speak to me. I was devastated. I opened my eyes and was panicked, heartbroken all over again. I had really believed you were alive while I was in the dream. I wanted it to be true. I told tabby, and this is what she had to say about the dream:
That is strange. But it couldn’t be true. I am sure he would talk to you. Maybe this is how your mind is handling this. It would be better to have him alive not talking than never seeing him again.
I was still worried that you were upset with me. My fear was lessened later that morning. I walked the golf course. A yellow butterfly passed me on the right twice. It disappeared over a building and I thought to myself, “Laythe, if that is you come back one more time.” It did, and this time you flew right over my head. I am hoping it was your way of reassuring me that the dream was just a dream and that you aren’t mad at me.
I returned home, showered, and relaxed. Then, around 2, I got ready and headed over to Walmart for a few toiletries. I found your Cuba Lima Monster! I was so excited I sent a snapchat of it to Christian. From there, I made a short drive to API and visited Joyce and Rose. Joyce gave me Shiva’s email, so now I will be able to keep in better contact with her! That makes me really happy.
The SMART recovery meeting started at 4. I went with Rihannon. I enjoyed the group and will likely attend this one more often. When the meeting was over, we went to Starbucks and chatted for awhile. It was a nice way to end the afternoon.
Driving home, I stopped at the Von’s by my house to pick up my favorite sandwich that you used to buy for me. Aaron, the man who usually made my sandwich, was there. He asked where I have been. I asked if he remembered you. I showed him a picture and he recognized you immediately. He said you were a cool dude and was really sorry about what happened. So am I.
Anyway, I am home now. I just ate my yummy sandwich and plan on spending the rest of the evening sipping on your Monster and playing League of Legends with Daniel and Frank. I wish I could be playing with you, honey. We used to have a lot of fun playing games together. As long as I didn’t get mad. Sorry about those times. :(
I love you and I miss you. Next time, please come in a good dream. I guess I hadn’t specified. I’m hugging and showering you with kisses right now. Good night, Laythe.