07.24.14

Hello Laythe,

Today was such a hot day. I felt like I was constantly sweating. It’s after 9pm and still feels uncomfortable. I want the temperatures in the mid 70s back. That I can handle. Sorry for whining to you. It’s just that you know how intolerant of heat I am.

I spent my morning doing a few things around the house. I swept the floors, washed some towels (which reminds me I forgot to dry them… Crap), gave Annie her ear drops, and finally got around to putting most of my nicer clothes on hangers.

Precious also called and wants to try playing World of Warcraft with me. While her download was going, we added each other on Battlenet, and I explained the classes to her. Now the only problem is getting her drivers updated. I am going to try to help her with that tomorrow. I hope I get to play with her soon and teach her the ways of WoW. Who knows, maybe she will actually enjoy the game.

I also watched an episode of Black Butler. I wish I could watch the anime more quickly, but I’m always running around. When I do get to finally sit down to watch, I am usually exhausted and start falling asleep. One of these days, I shall finally finish.

I called API and got in touch with Shiva! I felt so happy. That alone made my day. I was able to drive out there and visit with her for an hour. I missed Shiva a lot. I feel very fortunate to have met her. If it was not for her guidance and support, I don’t know if I would still be here writing letters to you. She has been extremely influential in my life since your passing. I wish you could meet her. You would love her, too. I am positive you are grateful to her for what she has done for me.

After seeing Shiva, I spent an hour at Joanne’s. When I walked in, she had a cold glass of iced tea lemonade waiting for me. I thought that was really sweet of her. She also made me lunch which was great because I had not eaten all day. If you were here, you would be getting after me.

This evening I had the grief support group again. We were supposed to bring something special connected to the person we were grieving. I brought the poem and letter you had handwritten for me when you gave me Teddy Laythe and a beautiful bouquet of flowers you had picked out yourself. It was difficult to share that. I had not read them in three months. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I cried quite a bit as others shared some of their stories. I was able to relate to most of the others in some way which I suppose is the great thing about a group setting.

Now, I’m home. I played a quick ARAM with Daniel on League of Legends and started on my letter to you right after. I am very drained tonight, love. I miss you and wish you could hold me right now… Except it is freaking hot, so that might not work out very well. We could work something out though, I’m sure. Hope I can still make you laugh, smile and that I am making you proud. I love you!

-Your Beautiful

07.22.14 & 07.23.14

Hey baby,

Yesterday was a rough day for me, so I didn’t feel like writing. I had attended my WRAP class in the morning, leaving only one remaining. After that, I don’t really remember what I did. Guess it wasn’t that exciting or important. I had plans with Allan to go to the multifamily group in the evening. That turned into a fiasco. I won’t go into detail in this letter. It is in the past now, so it is no longer of consequence, and I refuse to let it take up any more space in my head. Moving on..

Today started horrible. I woke up from a dream where we discovered you were still alive. Immediately, I called you and your mother picked up. I asked for you and she went to get you, but you did not want to speak to me. I was devastated. I opened my eyes and was panicked, heartbroken all over again. I had really believed you were alive while I was in the dream. I wanted it to be true. I told tabby, and this is what she had to say about the dream:

That is strange. But it couldn’t be true. I am sure he would talk to you. Maybe this is how your mind is handling this. It would be better to have him alive not talking than never seeing him again.

I was still worried that you were upset with me. My fear was lessened later that morning. I walked the golf course. A yellow butterfly passed me on the right twice. It disappeared over a building and I thought to myself, “Laythe, if that is you come back one more time.” It did, and this time you flew right over my head. I am hoping it was your way of reassuring me that the dream was just a dream and that you aren’t mad at me.

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I returned home, showered, and relaxed. Then, around 2, I got ready and headed over to Walmart for a few toiletries. I found your Cuba Lima Monster! I was so excited I sent a snapchat of it to Christian. From there, I made a short drive to API and visited Joyce and Rose. Joyce gave me Shiva’s email, so now I will be able to keep in better contact with her! That makes me really happy.

The SMART recovery meeting started at 4. I went with Rihannon. I enjoyed the group and will likely attend this one more often. When the meeting was over, we went to Starbucks and chatted for awhile. It was a nice way to end the afternoon.

Driving home, I stopped at the Von’s by my house to pick up my favorite sandwich that you used to buy for me. Aaron, the man who usually made my sandwich, was there. He asked where I have been. I asked if he remembered you. I showed him a picture and he recognized you immediately. He said you were a cool dude and was really sorry about what happened. So am I.

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Anyway, I am home now. I just ate my yummy sandwich and plan on spending the rest of the evening sipping on your Monster and playing League of Legends with Daniel and Frank. I wish I could be playing with you, honey. We used to have a lot of fun playing games together. As long as I didn’t get mad. Sorry about those times. :(

I love you and I miss you. Next time, please come in a good dream. I guess I hadn’t specified. I’m hugging and showering you with kisses right now. Good night, Laythe.

Love,
Alex

07.21.14

Hello my dear,

I think I need to start writing these letters earlier. I end up staying awake much later than I should. It’s alright though because I get to connect with you.

I had a class in the morning today. It was my sixth WRAP class, meaning I only have two more to go before I am eligible for peer employment training. The topic today was the Wellness Toolbox. I gleaned some good ideas that I will tell you more about at a later time. I am looking forward to implementing some of these ideas. I think they will help my depression and anxiety tremendously, especially if I adapt these into a new lifestyle.

Class was over at 11am, from which I drove over to Alan’s Music Store in La Mesa. I decided to rent a violin. I used to play during elementary school and part of middle school. I had actually been pretty good. Since then, however, I have not picked up a violin. I don’t remember how to play, or even read music, but I am hoping that with the help of YouTube videos and other online resources, I can begin to gradually pick it up once again. I wish I could have played for you one day. Maybe you heard me playing around with it today. It was beautiful to hear the sound of a violin again.

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I went to visit Joanne for about an hour before heading over to my psychiatrist appointment. She bought some lemonade iced tea from Trader Joe’s. I was taken by surprise; it tastes almost identical to your favorite Peace Tea, the sweet lemon tea variety. I think I may start buying it occasionally, or find a recipe to make some homemade. I think that would be an even better option. I could make it using organic ingredients. Here is a picture of Teddy Laythe enjoying some of the tea.

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Shortly after, I became very agitated at Dr. Allen’s office. The receptionist had failed to mention that they only accepted cash. You know I don’t carry cash. Of course, I was embarrassed. I started my period today and have the worst cramps I have ever experienced, so maybe that contributed to me overreacting. I cried out of frustration. It was stupid. Oh well, can’t change what happened, right? I wish you could have been there to comfort me. The psychiatrist upped my dose of Abilify to 5mg from 2mg. I hope it helps. I have been feeling relatively flat, if that makes sense. Not really happy, not terribly sad, and I can’t even say I am content. I guess apathetic? I’m not quite sure.

I returned to Joanne’s place afterward. We laughed about my mini breakdown at Dr. Allen’s, chatted, cooked dinner, and ate together. I left for home totally stuffed. When I got home, I played with the violin a bit, started on laundry, and washed dishes. I usually have to push myself to keep up with things around the house, but today I just got right to it. Playing music through the computer and singing along made it more enjoyable as well.

I spent the evening playing World of Warcraft with Daniel which was a nice distraction. I haven’t wanted to play games since your suicide. I miss playing them with YOU. I feel guilty about playing without you. It just isn’t the same. I am not sure if I will ever get over it enough to actually enjoy gaming. I can’t say I have fun. I enjoy the chatting on vent more than playing games. Frank and Daniel are fun people to talk to. I am glad I met them through Tabby and Richard.

So that was today. I am getting tired now. I think I may watch an episode of Black Butler in bed and pretend I’m cuddled up with you like old times. I love you, Laythe. I wish you could come home because I am missing you so much. Please visit me in another dream again soon. It would really mean a lot to me if you did.

Yours truly,
Alex

07.19.14 & 07.20.14

Dear Laythe,

I would like to start off by telling you how much I adore you. I don’t feel like I said that enough when you were alive. I miss you, honey. I think about you all of the time. So many things remind me of your handsome, amazing self. You brought a lot of light into my life. More than I had seen in a long time. I wish I could have appreciated it better, but it was difficult at times for I was fighting my own battles against depression. I hope you can forgive me, my love. I still feel like I failed you in many ways, and I wish you had given me the opportunity to become a better girlfriend, a better Alex. You took that chance from me, sweetheart. I feel very sad that I cannot even try to make things better for you and for us. I really did and continue to love you. I still consider you my boyfriend. You may not be in the same reality as me, but you are as real to me as the people around me. You existed, and continue to exist in some way, shape, or form. I want to believe this.

I did not write to you yesterday because I was tired and felt I needed a break for a day. In the morning, Nadia came over for a short while. She had her coffee while I sipped some peppermint tea. Once she left, I drove up to my stepdad’s timeshare at Welk’s Resort. It was nice to spend time with him, Debbie, and her family. My stepbrother was also there with his wife Amanda. When I see them, I think of what it could have been like to be your wife. That can’t happen now, but it doesn’t stop me from wearing the promise ring you placed on my finger. I cherish my ring. Thank you, Laythe.

While at Welk’s, I swam in the pool with Debbie and rode the water slide a few times. I had a chance to tan a bit, which turned into a minor sunburn. Oops. All of us had pizza for lunch. So bad, but so good. It was little Anthony’s 7th birthday, so we celebrated with ice cream cupcakes. That was the first time I heard of those. Did you know about them, babe? You would probably be all over something like that. You and your sweet tooth. I am very glad that I made the trip up there. It was relaxing and nice to get out of San Diego for a day. Next time they are up there, I will probably join them for the whole weekend instead of just for the day.

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Today was a long day, but a fulfilling one. My friend Chance went with me to Balboa Park to volunteer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s tent for the Pride Music Festival. We were able to raise awareness and pass on information about the warning signs for suicide. I had the opportunity to work alongside a few other women who had lost family members to suicide. One had lost a daughter, another a father. I heard a few stories from people passing through about friends they had lost to suicide. I want to make it stop.

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I learned today that depression is the most easily treated mental illness. If only I had known how to get you help and recognize the signs in you, my handsome. I hope to help others since I was not able to help you. I want to make a big difference, Laythe. And I will. I am determined. I found the courage today to organize a team for the walk in October. Chance said he is in. Now, the real work will begin. I have a lot of planning to do. I think this will be a wonderful thing, baby. This is for you, for me, and all of the others who are suffering and on the verge of losing hope. I will be strong for us, I promise.

I will leave you here tonight, darling. I have quite a few things going on tomorrow. I am sure I will learn something new to share with you. Good night, Laythe. I love you and miss you tons. I hope you are happy where you are and smiling down at me. I hope I am making you proud.

Love,
Alex

Happy 21st Birthday!

Hi my love,

You weren’t here for you birthday, but I made the most of it. Before I went to class, I straightened my hair for you. I only did it one time while you were with me, and I remember you loved it. You were speechless that night. I wanted to do that for you again. I also wore my shirt to commemorate you today.

On my way to class, I picked up one of your favorite Monsters, the pink lemonade one. I checked two gas stations, Von’s, and a smoke shop today, and none of them carried the Cuba Lima that you really liked, so I settled for this one.

Class went smoothly for the most part. I did cry a little bit because people were bringing up their low points in life where they wanted to die. Hope was a word that kept getting thrown around, so it became sensitive for me. Obviously, in the moment you made your decision you felt there was no hope. I recovered and collected myself in order to see the rest of the day through.

I did quite a bit of running around to pick up some of your favorite things. My first stop after class was our favorite smoke shop. I picked up your favorite flavor, double apple. Next, I walked over to Von’s to get your favorite ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. They changed the label, which made me a little sad. Oh well. From there, I went to our Sprouts and picked up some ingredients for dinner. I also headed over to Trader Joes to pick up your coveted banana bread before heading home.

Once I arrived back at my house, I cleaned the hookah and set it all up. I smoked double apple while sipping on your pink lemonade monster and watched anime, just like you and I used to do. I tried hard to be like you and actually enjoy the drink rather than gulp it down. I made it last for hours, babe- just like you! You would have been proud.

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I started falling asleep around episode four. As you know, I’ve been very tired lately. I took a little power nap and then started preparing dinner. I made your favorite meal, Japanese chicken curry. While I was prepping the vegetables and poultry I listened to a YouTube mix, just like we did when you helped me out in the kitchen. Making dinner took much longer without my helper. You used to peel the vegetables for me, help with the dishes, and keep track of cook times for me. Remember that? I definitely do. I cut and burnt myself. I know, I know. I should be more careful. I could hear your voice telling me that. After one and a half hours, it looked something like this.

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And an hour after that, here was the end product.

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The curry was delicious. You would have loved it, and had seconds, and probably thirds. You loved that stuff. I am so glad I was able to feed you well and had the chance to make food you enjoyed. I am also happy that I did this today. I have avoided cooking since your suicide. It had not been the same for me. I don’t enjoy just cooking for myself. I received fulfillment out of cooking for you. Making your curry was, in a lot of ways, therapeutic. More than I expected. I felt like I had alone time with you today. Just us.

Since it is your birthday, I made an exception for dessert. I had a slice of the banana bread, lightly toasted and buttered. You taught me the right way to eat it. I also had a few spoons of ice cream. I let it sit for awhile to get it nice and melted on top, precisely the way you liked it.

I tried very hard to make today a special day. I hope that you were somewhere nearby and could observe my efforts. I hope I was able to give you a good birthday, despite the distance. I love you, Laythe. I miss you more than words can ever describe. Happy birthday, my handsome.

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All my love,
Alex

P.S. My friends Daniel and Nadia wish you a happy birthday as well. You are remembered and in the hearts and thoughts of many.

07.17.14

Hey love,

I am going to write a partial letter tonight. I hope that doesn’t upset you. The grief support group tonight left me drained and numb. I think I need to process some things overnight.

I know I said I would tell you about girls’ night, so I did want to let you know that Christian and I had fun together. Her bus was late, but it gave us a chance to learn that the Starbucks by your Dad’s work office is open 24 hours. We had a good time driving around at night with the windows down blasting music. When we arrived at the house, Christian started up a bonfire for us. Last night was perfect for a fire. It was chilly enough, but not too cold. We started an anime called Chaos Head. It is kind of weird; we haven’t decided how we feel about it. The two of us slept in the living room.

Rihanna came and gave me a hug in the morning before leaving to her church camp. Christian made breakfast. Her vegetarian breakfast panini using your favorite sourdough bread was amazing. You would have enjoyed her creation. After breakfast, the two of us got dressed and headed to Parkway Plaza for, you guessed it, Hazelnut Fraps from The Coffee Bean! Then, we drove over to the thrift store by our favorite Vietnamese restaurant where you and I used to always order grilled chicken spring rolls. The thrift store was closed when we got there, so we walked over to Michael’s and browsed through knitting supplies to kill time.

Christian wants to relearn how to knit now. We are going to be knitting buddies, like old ladies. All we need are some rocking chairs to complete the stereotype. We walked back to the thrift store and browsed around. We were looking for shirts we could cut up and design, or upcycle. We found a few cute shirts for Rihanna, nine for Christian, and four for me. A lot of the shirts we picked had skulls on them. We were really happy about our purchases. 16 shirts came to $30. Not bad at all!

Back at your house, we got to work on the shirts. Christian designed one for Rihanna and worked on the sleeves of one of her own shirts. I turned one of mine into a workout shirt, and played around with the sleeves of another. I’ll have to take some pictures to show you later.

During lunch time, we made burritos, listened to music, and I showed Christian how to get her knitting started. She got in quite a bit of practice. I had to leave at 5 to make it to my afternoon grief support group, so we used the rest of my time there to squeeze in a few episodes of Chaos Head. We still think it’s weird. I guess we will see where it goes.

Tomorrow is your birthday, and I am going to try to celebrate it in a way we might have if you were still alive. I am not sure if your mom plans to do anything, so I am going to try my best to keep my schedule flexible to accommodate whatever may come up. I have a WRAP class in the morning, so I will be winding down to get ready for sleep now. I love you, my handsome. Wish you were with me. Sweet dreams.

Love,
Alex

07.16.14

Good evening dear,

I had a decent day. I went to my WRAP class in the morning. Nothing of note to report as far as that went. I have completed 4 out of 8 of those classes. I will be finished with WRAP next Friday.

I went straight home afterward to get some things done at the house. I have a lot of melons at home, so I cut up a cantaloupe and a watermelon. I still have another cantaloupe and two watermelons I will need to make room to eat at some point. Either that, or give them away. I did two loads of laundry as well. Organized my room a bit. Brushed Annie’s coat. I noticed she has been shaking her head a lot, so I checked her ears and it looks like an infection is starting up in her left ear. I cleaned out what buildup I could and put in a few ear drops. Hopefully, within a couple of days, the infection will be all cleared up since I caught it early. I also practiced knitting some more. I made the width much larger this time around. At least, I think you would refer to it as width, I am not familiar with the proper knitting terms yet.

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Tomorrow is my registration date for classes at Grossmont, so I drafted my final desired class schedule. That way, I won’t be scrambling to figure out what I want to take and when. If all goes according to plan, I will only have class three days a week. I don’t want to jinx it, so I will post my class schedule for you once I know I managed to get the classes I want. Wish me luck!

I visited Joanne for about two hours this evening. We walked to Von’s for some frozen yogurt and just hung out. Now I am waiting to pick up Christian from her youth group. We are going to have a girls night. Should be lots of fun! I will tell you all about it tomorrow. I am going to let you go for now, honey. Sorry if the letter seems rushed. I am writing this while sitting in the church parking lot. I love you and miss you!

Always,
Alex

07.15.14

Hi Laythe,

Once again, I am exhausted. Not sure what is going on with my body. It might just be a symptom of my depression. I’m sorry my letters have been getting shorter recently. I have not been feeling as well as I was before. I am stuck in a lowered mood. The loneliness hits me more and more frequently.

I think I am exhibiting early warning signs. This morning I started feeling inadequate and worthless just because I missed an exit and was running late to the WRAP class. Traffic was not helping, either. Or the road construction by their offices. I was forced to parallel park between two vehicles, something I have never done. It took a few minutes, but I managed. Wish I had taken a picture to show you, but I was too frustrated, irritable, and upset with myself at the time to give myself credit for my little accomplishment. I was only ten minutes late, and the class had not even started yet.

After class, I came home because Nadia was supposed to come over for lunch. She came down sick and couldn’t make it. I drove down to the bank to pay the equity line and went to TJ Oyster Bar to pick up the shrimp burrito I ordered. I know you would never eat shrimp because of your faith, but it was delicious. If you were here, I know there would be a big plate of fish tacos with your name on it.

I took lunch home, ate, and started watching YouTube videos for knitting tutorials. I am really serious about this. I want to be able to knit your soon-to-be-born niece some cute beanies to keep her precious little head warm once the weather starts cooling. I’ll admit, while trying to follow along with the videos I became irrationally and unreasonably frustrated. I FaceTimed my aunt, but she said she couldn’t help that way, so I went over to her house and she tried to teach me starting with basic rows. It was very time consuming. I messed up many times. I was extremely aggravated at times. But I started getting the gist of it. I will need extensive practice, but I think I will be able to learn. Take a look, honey. I made an ugly rectangle.

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From Theia Anna’s, I went to the multifamily process group at API. It was nice to see some familiar faces and reconnect. I headed straight home after. Definitely did a lot of driving today. I’ve pretty much wound down since I got home. I am going to get to sleep soon. I love you, Laythe. I miss you. I am so tired, all I want to do is cuddle up to you and fall asleep. With all of my heart, I wish this were possible. Good night, my handsome.

Always,
Your Beautiful

07.14.14

Hey honey,

I am very sleepy tonight, so this letter will be relatively brief. This morning I went to a WRAP class. We covered two topics: daily maintenance plan as well as triggers. The class ended at 11, and I immediately headed over to your house.

When I got there, only Christian was home. Rihanna is going to a church camp this week, so she stays there until noon. I thought of you and snacked on a slice of sourdough bread. Toasted and buttered, of course. Your family has to keep the sourdough bread in the freezer now because you aren’t around to eat it all up. Christian and I picked up where we left off on Vampire Knight. Soon after, Rihanna made it home. She was super excited that I was over. She ran in the door calling my name and jumped into my arms. The three of us binge watched the anime until your dad got home and took Rihanna to ballet.

At that point, there were only two episodes left in the anime, so Christian and I finished it up. Dad isn’t too happy about Christian watching lots of anime lately, so I went ahead and washed the dishes while Christian went in the backyard to pick the ripe raspberries. We learned something about squash. I guess you are supposed to pick them at 4 inches. Well, your squash are super sized. One grew into the fence. It broke when Christian tried to harvest it.

Anyway, later we watched some videos on YouTube, ate some pancakes, and then started watching The Emperor’s New Groove. It was an initiation of sorts. Of the three most important movies to your family, that is the only one I have not watched with you or the family. Christian can’t believe you didn’t have me watch it already because all of you quote it so frequently. During the movie, your mother arrived home early from her trip. We are both wanting to do something special for your birthday, we just don’t know what.

I left after the movie to head home. I am glad I finally had the chance to watch it, and that I was able to see it with Christian. Now I will at last understand the references! I did some chores here at home, painted my nails a new color, showered, and now I am writing to you.

I felt pretty sad after being home for only a few minutes. I felt extremely lonely. It didn’t feel like home at all. I wanted to be any place but in my own home. I cried and sat with the negative feelings for awhile. They came to pass, as emotions always do. I wish you had been able to realize that at the time you made the decision to end your life. Whatever you were feeling in that moment-sadness, hopelessness, despair- it was not going to last forever. These things come and they go. If only you could have seen it at the time, maybe you would still be alive.

I kick myself for not having this knowledge before. Had I known these things, I could have saved you! Today, out in the backyard, I stood only yards away from where I saw you hanging. And I was uneasy, scared. I was afraid to look and see you there again. There was nothing Laythe about that corpse.

Just now, I remembered I have to pay the equity line tomorrow. You know what I said to myself? “I’ll ask Laythe to remind me.” It was automatic, and it threw me off when I forced myself to acknowledge that you cannot do that for me ever again. I am on my own now. Can you see me? Do you know how much I hurt every day? Can you feel my loneliness? It might just be one of those nights where I lay in my bed and beg you to come back or ask God to take me so I don’t hurt the ones I love if I were to follow your example.

Oh yeah.. I forgot my bear at home today. It feels unnatural to drive without it seated in my lap. I went all day without it, and I did not like that one bit. I will not be forgetting Teddy Laythe tomorrow. I am going to stop here tonight, baby. I need to rest. I love you. And, if you ever wonder, I am not mad at you. I know it was a difficult choice to make, I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I know you must have been carrying a lot of pain in your heart. I am sorry I failed as a girlfriend.

Sincerely,
Alex

07.13.14

Hi sweetie,

Your birthday is coming up; it would have been your 21st! I plan to make it a special day.

Today was one of those dreaded Sundays. I cried quite a bit this morning and started drifting into despair and hopelessness. Good thing I invested in 24hr eyeliner because it held up well. I was very grateful for Nadia because she called and helped me calm down before I had to leave the house.

I actually went on an adventure today. I took the trolley for the first time into Downtown. Once there, I joined Joyce. I met Joyce through Allen. Joyce is the wife of Albert, who is basically a mentor/father figure to Allen. The two of us then boarded the coaster which we took to Carlsbad. I really enjoyed the ride. I would like to take the coaster more often. The views of the ocean are just so beautiful. I wonder if you ever had the chance to ride the coaster. I took some pictures for you, in case you haven’t.

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I really wish the two of us could have taken a day trip together on the coaster before you left us forever. I think we would have enjoyed ourselves. It is too bad I did not know about it before.

Joyce’s son picked us up from the station and took us back to her home in Oceanside. I had the chance to meet her newborn granddaughter. Such a pretty baby. I have been wanting to learn to knit because I want to make beanies for Vye and Rebekah’s baby. Joyce had actually been planning on donating her knitting needles and yarn, so it worked out perfectly. What a pleasant coincidence! This will definitely be a new way to keep myself busy.

Joyce and I spent most of the day shopping. I picked up a few new nail polishes to add to my new and quickly growing collection. I found some cream eyeliners. I picked up a black for myself and a gunmetal for Christian because she had liked mine. I also bought some really cute journaling cards that I plan on using to send letters to your Colorado cousin Kameryn, along with some colorful baby yarn that I am going to save until I get enough practice under my belt to knit a beanie. At World Market, I bought some coffee hard candies. They have just the right amount of sweet and you really get that coffee taste. My favorite purchase of the day had to be a pair of boots I spotted at Marshall’s. My radar zoned in on those from aisles away. It was the only pair of it’s kind and in my size. Very lucky! I wore them on my trip back home.

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The trip home felt longer than the journey to Oceanside. I suppose that is how it goes often times. I didn’t make it home until just after 9:30pm. I am very exhausted. Writing to you, however, is an important part of my day. Sleep could wait.

I will be keeping busy tomorrow. I am attending a WRAP class in the morning to move one step closer to becoming a peer counselor. Afterward, I will be heading over to your house to spend the day with Christian and Rihanna. I miss your little sisters. I have a feeling Christian and I will be finishing Vampire Knight, or at the very least get super close to completing the anime.

I miss you, handsome. I think of you all the time. I hope you can feel my thoughts and my love wherever you may be. You are so special and very much adored.

Love always,
Alex